Parade Magazine, which is neatly tucked into Sunday's edition of The News-Herald, is going to tell us all about the secret lives of pets in the upcoming edition.

Why do cats chase string, the magazine ponders.

Why? Because we can.

Why do dogs chase their tails? Well, they're just dumb.

Secret lives of pets?

Forget it.

Our world is too unique for you mere mortals to understand.

Sorry I had to rain on your parade.

Later, P.